Unworthy Ramblings..perhaps?

For us her pride was a worthless dime,
That's what I hear her saying;
Justified is her pain and whine,
It is, I admit, a gory slaying.

All those things that she held dear,
No longer exist save her tear;
Which refuses to stream down and wash away
Those unpardonable wounds that claim to stay.

She found herself arrested in a labyrinth
Of vain truths and lame promises
Of a friend indeed and a pillar of strength
Neither of who a helping hand could lend.

But what she knows not is the other side of the coin,
Hapless undoings in the guise of crime;
Deserting beloveds to seek selfish pleasure
Or is it a prophecy of an inexorable measure?

She sees our lives as a selfish bargain
Of her pride for our eternal flagrance,
But I see it as a heavy price we pay
To wage a war with this world of reasons -

Reasons to live as an image, as a reflection
Feed one's soul to their endless desires of perfection
How do I tell her that it's not easy here too ?
Hurting her has split me cruelly into two .

But this is the only way we saw
To walk the road as total outlaws
I apologize truly for all that has passed
I dearly love you, O Sister of my Heart!!

The Flow of Life!!

What am I doing in God's name? Life has so many gifts to offer every living day and yet I choose to see only that which has perished or plain absent. How juvenile of me.
I guess the problem is that we take life too seriously. It's always I, me , mine. There's always the worry and anxiety of doing this but wanting that. Sane ancestors of ours have cried hoarse about Life being a journey and not the destination. And yet, somehow, we are never able to free ourselves from the clutches of this temptress. It's all about performing, here and now. How much money we make, how beautiful we are, how many people love us, how to acquire this, how to dump that...the list is endless. There is no acceptance or realisation that we are all here for some transcendental purpose with powers beyond our imagination. We fritter away our lives on superficialties - vain ego trips, impotent power struggles, shallow vanity hassles and what have you. As I read just yesterday in The Fountainhead, people confuse their selfishness as selflessness. They always live through others' desires. How others view them, think of them, judge them, rate them. Be it Esteem, Pride, Fame, Popularity. All these are bestowed by external factors on to them. So if a person is desirious of success and fame, it is not selfishness but in a way, parting with the self, and hence selflessness, as what you achieve is only in the eyes of the onlooker. If others talk about your success, it is recognised as success. So where is the worth and value of it withnin oneself? We are what the world labels us - this is how people live - days and years of their precious lives. And because of this very tendency, we lose ourselves. We feel hollow and deserted within. After the limelight dims, there are no dark shadows - its just you - staring at the empty mirror. I remember Floyd's song here - "Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky"...
So, come on now, Live it up - for yourself. Does the flower bloom for poets to praise its beauty? Do butterflies flutter around to inspire painters? Does the river stream down gaily for folk songs to be written? No. Do these acknowledgements lend to the enhancement of the beauty of any thing in nature? No. What others make out of your life is their take home, their own enjoyment out of indulgence. It does not in anyway add value or change the nature of your talents and achievements. We live in a give and take world but that does not in any mean that even self-respect and self-worth are to be bargained in a mutual appreciation society. There's another beautiful thing Ayn Rand has said - the fact that you have to go out and search for your self-respect indicates its non-existence. Self-respect just is - within you, for you, by you and no one can take it away.
Smile and live life without carrying the burden of judgement. Quit being subject to post-mortem everytime you move a finger nail. Life may cease at any blind turn. Sieze every moment and LIVE it!!!
The Flow Of Life
If the sky above seems cloudy,And you are left out in the rain,
If you are searching for a rainbow,But the colors bring you pain,
If your world is not revolving,And there is no end in sight,
If you are looking for the sunshine,But all you see is night,
If all around are smiling,But all you can do is frown,
If you are tired of all this living,When life just brings you down,

Then look beyond your teardrops,At the wonders of this land,
The beauty of a flower,Like velvet in your hand.
Feel the air around you,The smell of new mown hay,
Laughing children in the park,The innocence there at play,
Imagine floating with a butterfly,As she flutters between the trees,
Or the whispers of the ocean,On warm hot summer’s breeze,
Think of the taste of candy floss,As it melts upon your tongue,
Or the melody of morning birds,As they greet each day with song,
Remember words of beauty,Told in your mother’s embrace,
Feel the gentleness of her touch,As she softly kissed your face,
Seek the good within you,Cast the clouds from your sky,
Don’t look toward the pavement,But hold your head up high,
Think not what life owes you,But of all you have to give,
Forget about tomorrow,Then you can start to live.
So Bless this age your are living in,
With the gifts you can bestow,
Don’t disregard the stream of life,
Go gently with the flow.

Right Now..

I feel on top of the world!!!!!!!!!

Har Ghar Kuch Kehta Hai!!!

Laughter, tears, anxiety, excitement, indolence, weariness, fear, anger, relief, all resident members of me and my extended self - my room. Today mumma tells me we have to vacate this house as it isn’t ours and we’ve to move on. It isn’t ours? How can it not be when every brick, every speck of dust, every chipped paint coating and every crack in the wall has been witness to my life, my being, my survival, my fight, my victory and my defeat? I have grown up here from a silly girl to a muddled up woman, from a carefree bird to a fierce wild eagle, from a lost soul to a free spirit.
My loyal friends, the curtains always donned the mood I wore – sunshiny happy yellow or deep sad green, always lending a fluttering shoulder to dance or to cry on. Prison it seemed but never did the walls hold me captive; they only silently absorbed my tears into their pores. Even when the air was heavy, pregnant with animosity, the windows always let in pleasant zephyrs as lullabies putting me to sleep. Away from the crazy rush of people, noisy minds and jabbering tongues I always found my way back to my sanity, my haven, my favourite room. Change is constant and we will move on, leave this place and seek comfort elsewhere. But I am leaving behind a major part of me, the part which is the scrap, the me which went through the cutting, chiseling, drilling, shaping, painting and polishing to give the final product!! I step out of this room, this house with a world of change in me. But what I’ll never forget is that it is this room where I cried over the loss of my brother, blushed at the feeling of falling in love, burnt the midnight oil to prepare for exams, shared a gazillion secrets with my friends, read the most amazing books on my favourite couch, admired myself in the mirror for hours, danced like a crazy kangaroo to blaring music, tried to mend my broken heart, made vital decisions in my life, learnt that Life is either NOW and HERE or NOWHERE.
I’ll miss you my room, I’ll miss you my dear house. You have been my biggest comfort, like a mother embracing me and soothing me through the warm days and the cold nights. Goodbye sweet home.

But this time the slithering slimy mucous-filled shapeless evil creature has managed to cross the divide and has surpassed the Entrance Stone.

Dil dukha hai lekin, toota toh nahin hain, umeed ka daaman choota toh nahin hain..!!!

Wouldn’t it be nice if choices in life would be as simple as a yes or a no, black or white, this or that? But no. Every one decision has a gazillion tentacles lashing out in some soft spot of life, causing an itch or a bleeding gash. Someone mentioned the word ‘fate’ to me in some conversation and I began to mull over it. Fate! The F word everyone is so obsessed with. But I feel Fate is nothing but an excuse to explain your weakness when you succumb to the situation and accept one particular pathway to tread on, simply because it is the less painful one (of course, road blocks are in every direction, no pain no gain bebeh!!). It’s all about the choice one makes between the devil and the sea. Either everyone on the outside, the so called ‘world’ is happy and approves of your decision or your heart has followed its own course earning a few enemies en route. Phew!!
But then again, what’s the fun if life gets too predictable and easy going? The whole kick is in this constant losing and gaining. Fear and ambiguity are the push factors. Like the Sprite ad – Darr sabko lagta hai. Darr se aage badho. Darr ke aage jeet hai.. J
So I say, buck up guys and gals. Life isn’t such a bad deal after all. Let the sunshine of happiness ablate all sorrows, let your smile illumine dark corners of your mind and drive away those anxieties, let your inner strength and calm break all barriers between you and your dreams – open your arms wide and let this alluring life engulf you. Cheers!

Antonyms

We Live * We Die

We Win * We Lose

We Laugh * We Cry

We Hurt * We Forgive

We Soar * We Drown

We Hope * We Sigh

We Accept * We Deny

We Love * We Survive

De-Cold

Head feels as if a military march past is on, eyes feel like two painful water balloons, nose – part leaky part blocked, not letting air pass through to my lungs, throat – a cacti forest, a rain of sneezes, a bonanza of coughs, a sick, ill, cranky, exhaustion throughout my body. I do not like getting a cold. As if anyone fancies it. But I HATE it. It’s a constant irritation. My jaws, joints and the last bit of every bone is also aching. My already huge nose is serving as a nice bright red clown’s nose. I want to sleeeeeep. But I’m stuck in office, on a Friday evening, dreaming of hot and sour soup, tucked in bed and reading Shantaram – wow! Just a few hours away – and yet it seems so far away. Boo hoo!

My office chaaya!!

Served thrice a day, the same pathetic chaaya, has sadly become my habit. As they say beggars cannot be choosers. I am repulsively accustomed to this tea served in office. It is watery with a stale milk smell. It is bland sometimes, cloying and nauseating other times. I miss the sexy coffee served at my old office. Man! That was something I could kill for. Standing on the third floor ka fire exit, gazing up at the vast spread of sky above, with a steaming cup of perfectly blended fresh coffee beans and milk, thick foam sticking on to my upper lip, aah! Bliss!!! The pantry guy Venkat is my best friend in office. Good mood ho toh celebration ke liye coffee. Bad mood ho toh support ke liye coffee. Somehow he used to serve me with that elixir at the very precise moment. I miss him, his smiling face and most of all, his knack of making the most awesome coffee in this universe. This chaaya, I am staring at right now tastes like puke. Not that I have tasted puke but you know, it is just terrible. Once in a blue moon there is ginger tea which is bearable. Just like this dump of a place, the tea depresses me. Oh Lord, lift the dark clouds, give us lowly mortals some hope, let my poor organization afford a coffee vending machine!!!! Till then, I silently endure this steel cup mein pathetic chaaya.

Mercury Rising!

Radio Mirchi playing in the car blares out aloud – Semma Hot Machi!! Yes, Chennai has become unbearably hot. I do not like it. Along with the weather, people’s temper's also shot up. It is a sheer torture to drive to office and back everyday. Civic sense is simply non-existent. Cops are eunuchs, lorry drivers are drunk, auto fellows are rowdies and cyclists have the mistaken belief that their grandpop left them the city in his will. And of course, to top it all, you will find some road between potholes and puddles. Such huge cracks that you wonder whether you slept through an enormous earthquake! It as much as drizzles and the traffic is a huge mess. Muck splashed on all vehicles, rubble of under-construction flyovers occupying half the roads, cows and goats occupying the remaining half! God, I mean what has this city come to? It is not a rare sight to see a cop lazing away at a tea kadai or Beeda kadai while a plush car owner is being hurled abuses at or even manhandled by a van or auto driver, surprisingly for no fault of his! Here people simply assume that at every blind turn there definitely won’t be any forthcoming vehicle, a horn is unheard of and an indicator! Oh forget about it! I am a pretty calm and patient person by nature. But now there is almost a blinding fury every time I am put through the agony of driving with a huge bus dangerously chasing me, an obstinate auto guy hell bent on overtaking me from the left and a cyclist royally cutting across diagonally without so much as a hand signal! Another juvenile thing is for people to gape at a girl behind the steering wheel. It is just a marvel for some of them. They will cat call, follow you, honk or simply scare you while driving! I mean, For Chris’ Sake, grow up! This city’s roads and citizens both need a lot of repair. I was shocked to learn that in Chennai alone there are 600 accidents per year on road. Appalling! Why don’t people realize the value of life! An adventure is only foolish guts not gone wrong, luckily. But luck does not favor a person eternally, especially on Chennai roads.

"Truth is a bully we all pretend to like!"

Gregory David Roberts

Heart Dis-ease

People love creating issues of the heart, probably to feel alive, to feel more ‘human’. Whether it’s for pleasure or pain, it doesn’t matter. They just want to ‘feel’ something as though if they didn’t, their hearts would jump out of their body and flee. There is a bigger threat to humanity than poverty, terrorism, corruption and global warming – the human heart! Everyone’s made a big deal out of it. And there are some people I know who would go to any extent to cause discomfort to others only to pacify their own sobbing heart. They cannot stand rejection. They will fight back. They disguise themselves as “friends”; buy your trust, and then Boom! Just when you feel that that the road ahead is smooth, they grab you and take a steep u-turn and come to a screeching halt right at the spot from where you fled the last time! It is unfair. U.N.F.A.I.R. What do you get by scratching on a dry wound? Why don’t people understand the meaning of the phrase ‘move-on’? Sometimes I fail to totally understand and appreciate people’s persistence over certain things in life. They blindly believe that this is what they want; this is what feels right so they presume it must actually be right and then they pursue it incessantly. Why are only those who profess love, support this ‘blissful’ feeling, always justified? Only being in love is right? Not being out of love?

First Post, Mine!

People all around me are Blogging like crazy. Until recently I enjoyed only reading others’ thoughts. Phir socha, chalo I’ll also write. Atleast whenever my mind plays noisy gongs to drive me deaf and crazy, I should drill a hole in this cauldron and let it leak away excesses! So, I hope I persist with this new habit, which, in my case, is quite rare. All the best to me as well as anyone who stumbles upon this site by mistake, of course!!!